Scientific Misconduct Blog Memory Hole: Events of November 10th
8 years ago today: New Study Too Frightening To ReleaseOn 10 November 1999 the Onion released important news of a Stanford University study that was too frightening to release. Researchers were refusing to release a comprehensive three-year interdisciplinary study on the grounds that the results are "too terrifying to reveal to the public at large". Dr. Desmond Oerter broke down while discussing the terrifying never-to-be-released study.
"We have decided that it is in the best interest of public safety to withhold the results our study," "so soul-shaking are the conclusions we have drawn".
Oerter then produced a pair of ballpoint pens and plunged them into his eye sockets. At a press conference later that afternoon, Stanford president Gerhard Casper assured members of the general public that steps are being taken to prevent the release of what is being called "The Study Which Must Not Be Named."
"All primary data gathered in the study have been destroyed, as have all research materials used by those involved," Casper said. "The world must never know what was learned here."
Two of the study's coordinators had also taken their own lives, and three more remain on suicide watch. "I'm not talking about it, and you won't find anyone who will," said Craig Blom.
[In contrast to everything else on this blog this is a realistic spoof]
Source: New Study Too Frightening To Release | The Onion - America's Finest News Source